FullAuto Posted November 30, 2009 Report Share Posted November 30, 2009 She's pretty, frighteningly competent, much more intelligent than I (though you could also say this of the brown crust at the bottom of my tea mug), encyclopaedically knowledgeable about every bit of the job, knows at least half the people who come in by name and preference, totally professional, always smartly dressed, unfailingly polite and pleasant even to morons, and in every way, shape and form, makes me look like shit. I think I'm in love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matri Posted November 30, 2009 Report Share Posted November 30, 2009 *sets up the singing crab's song & dance* Go kiss de gurl, mon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Voyager Posted November 30, 2009 Report Share Posted November 30, 2009 She's pretty, frighteningly competent, much more intelligent than I (though you could also say this of the brown crust at the bottom of my tea mug), encyclopaedically knowledgeable about every bit of the job, knows at least half the people who come in by name and preference, totally professional, always smartly dressed, unfailingly polite and pleasant even to morons, and in every way, shape and form, makes me look like shit. I think I'm in love.Meh, you're just love-smitten. I'm sure that everything after "She's pretty" is very, very biased. And don't try to say it is all true, you are not capable of passing a judgement right now. You'd be happy even if she farted next to you... Thought about asking her out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorondor Posted November 30, 2009 Report Share Posted November 30, 2009 Swept off your feet, poor lad... Heed SV's words, however. News flash: Beware, you've lost your head!! Now you know the origin of that "What the hell was I thinkin'?! I must'of been outta me mind! I'll have another pint..." denouement. Therefore, presently consider yourself lucky to be armed with such knowledge, Mr.Reproductor, Sir. Sure, at first it's all about the lure of nicely obscuring, tucked away bookshelves. Next thing you know it's all about competently evading well-aimed volumes and demeaning jibes - all day long... :: I'd say, overall, it's fine if she just makes you look like crap. Especially as it's a marked improvement over actually feeling like it _and_ being penniless later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zombie Posted November 30, 2009 Report Share Posted November 30, 2009 My only advise is to not mix business with pleasure. Aye, quite a few "couples" result from working for the same company, but relationships can equally backfire. If this happens, you'll still be working at the same place only this time under less than ideal circumstances. - Zombie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FullAuto Posted November 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2009 Meh, you're just love-smitten. I'm sure that everything after "She's pretty" is very, very biased. And don't try to say it is all true, you are not capable of passing a judgement right now. You'd be happy even if she farted next to you... I do not care how true this is. I am disregarding it. News flash: Beware, you've lost your head!! No trouble believing that. When talking to her, I have severe difficulty forming basic sentences, because my brain is screaming "SAY SOMETHING WITTY. WITTY! BUT STAY COOL. COOLER. ICE COLD! FREEZING WIT!" and the result is me being monosyllabic. My only advise is to not mix business with pleasure. Aye, quite a few "couples" result from working for the same company, but relationships can equally backfire. If this happens, you'll still be working at the same place only this time under less than ideal circumstances Ah, the voice of reason. This too, I must disregard. Come on, I know you lot have A Girl At Work too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted November 30, 2009 Report Share Posted November 30, 2009 I've got a girl at home. It's an altogether more terrifying situation Back to your situation though, I take it she's single? In which case, buy a new wardrobe (preferably the contents thereof rather than the IKEA "it's Swedish for crap" flat-pack jobby itself), have a shave (no "stylish" facial hair mind, though stubble is apparently acceptable as long as it's 24-48 hours max and unless you're a werewolf), get your hair cut, wash more thoroughly than you otherwise might and perhaps try some aftershave and turn up to work a completely different person. Just randomly. On a Monday. Wear a shirt. Smart casual y'know. It's amazing what a new wardrobe and a bit of effort can do for your confidence. Worst possible scenario is you look a bit of a twa... err, twit. Good scenario is that you get a compliment from the lady. Better scenario is that said compliment is a nice one. Best possible scenario is you get a smile too. That's some form of interest. Don't, ffs, whatever you do, put your foot in your mouth* when talking to her. Also, don't force the issue - this is known as harrassment. * this has been scientifically proven to hinder walking ability Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorondor Posted December 1, 2009 Report Share Posted December 1, 2009 Tsk, tsk!... So much trouble and expense just to grow an appendage. Erm... so to speak. And sorry to burst your bubble, but if she's such a hot item, she probably has a white-collar boyfriend already (think lawyer, banker, what have you), right? If she's so efficient, she might be overly career-centric and cerebral... Shall I carry on or spare you further heart-break? :: Well, if you must pursue la femme, just bring along your cutest, sweetest-smelling hamster one day (talcum powder the thing). She's practically guaranteed to melt on your hands at the sight of it, while discretely noticing how "sensitive" and well-built, outdoor, nature-loving a chap you are - not a stuffy bloke at all, as she had imagined... By way of light conversation you mention how hamsters used to be employed by french resistance during WW2 as couriers and you discover a common passion for good WW2 movies and reading. More importantly, handling the pet hands might accidentally touch... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hobbes Posted December 1, 2009 Report Share Posted December 1, 2009 Don't, ffs, whatever you do, put your foot in your mouth* when talking to her. Meaning, don't ask her if she has ever been abducted by aliens or if she was to feel the power of your plasma rifle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Voyager Posted December 1, 2009 Report Share Posted December 1, 2009 ... Some very good and hamster-friendly suggestions there, Thorondor! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zombie Posted December 1, 2009 Report Share Posted December 1, 2009 Rodents are iffy to some women. I've found that dogs work much better. This presents logistical problem at the workplace so you'll probably need to get her to meet you outside of work (or "conveniently" bump into her on the weekend somehow). How to get a dog? I'm sure there are plenty of people who would be willing to let you take "Rover" for a walk whenever you want. Another way is much more difficult to pull off but the rewards are immeasurable: find a way to bump into her while you are babysitting (or as a more direct approach, invite her over to help). The only issue is of course is finding someone with a kid they will be willing to "lend" to you for a short while. Apparently women like a man who will be a good father, so if you can prove this to her it's all downhill from there. This all assumes she is single and unattached. If not, it may be impossible or a lost cause. - Zombie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FullAuto Posted December 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2009 Not much more than 24 hours into the topic and the fraudulent use of animals and children is already being suggested. My God. Back to your situation though, I take it she's single? Yeah! In which case, buy a new wardrobe (preferably the contents thereof rather than the IKEA "it's Swedish for crap" flat-pack jobby itself), Been working on this. T-shirts like this and this don't cut it. have a shave Sorted. get your hair cut, wash more thoroughly than you otherwise might Won't get any shorter, and no problem, respectively. Worst possible scenario is you look a bit of a twa... err, twit. Probably already done. If she's so efficient, she might be overly career-centric and cerebral... Shall I carry on or spare you further heart-break? This sort of thing worries me the most. Not the career so much as her being simply too clever to fall for my bullshit. At 27, my facade should be nigh-perfect, but apparently not. Whenever we talk literature (often, given our library work) I find myself limiting my responses to fairly simple, closed answers and questions, for fear of seeming an idiot. Discuss themes? You must be having a giraffe. Meaning, don't ask her if she has ever been abducted by aliens or if she was to feel the power of your plasma rifle. *bites fist* Worked with her just before the weekend, and that little voice at the back of my brain would not shut up. "YOU'RE BLUSHING. WHY ARE YOU BLUSHING? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? STOP BLUSHING! STAND UP STRAIGHT! SMILE. SMILE! NOT LIKE THAT! YOU GRIN LIKE A SERIAL KILLER. STOP IT!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hobbes Posted December 1, 2009 Report Share Posted December 1, 2009 Not the career so much as her being simply too clever to fall for my bullshit. At 27, my facade should be nigh-perfect, but apparently not. Whenever we talk literature (often, given our library work) I find myself limiting my responses to fairly simple, closed answers and questions, for fear of seeming an idiot. Discuss themes? You must be having a giraffe. *bites fist* Worked with her just before the weekend, and that little voice at the back of my brain would not shut up. "YOU'RE BLUSHING. WHY ARE YOU BLUSHING? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? STOP BLUSHING! STAND UP STRAIGHT! SMILE. SMILE! NOT LIKE THAT! YOU GRIN LIKE A SERIAL KILLER. STOP IT!" Eventually all women see through our bullshit and facade, they never work 100%. And to expect otherwise is unrealistic. The trick is to use our bullshit and facade to lure them and afterwards be as natural as possible so that she'll know that some is bs and look but the rest is the real deal. And blush as much as possible when you're with her and be embarassed afterwards. When she notices she will feel empathy (unless she's a cold hearted queen of ice) which is good since you're emotionally bonding. And afterwards both of you can have a laugh and start talking about interesting matters. And forget about the hamsters... I went to the pet store today and found out that they are out of hamsters. I explained the guy why I wanted the hamster for and found out that since demand was so high they are renting the critters by the hour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted December 1, 2009 Report Share Posted December 1, 2009 ...bring along your cutest, sweetest-smelling hamster one day (talcum powder the thing). She's practically guaranteed to melt on your hands at the sight of it... Show 'er yer weasel! Hur hur Sorry. Erm. Does she like films? I feel you might do better on the film front than the literary front going by your last post - not that you're not literate, but just because there's less chance off you making a gaffe with that sort of guff. Perhaps a discussion about good book-movie conversions - It'll be a short conversation, but one I've the utmost confidence you can talk about with the utmost accuracy for hours! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FullAuto Posted December 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2009 One of the first things I tried, actually. She brought up The Kite Runner (book) and I served what I thought was an ace, stating that not only did I read and enjoy it, the film was good as well. She shot me down, stating that the book was too violent for her in places. I fear our tastes in film are too different, and she will mention some chick flicks and my nose will gush with blood in a violent allergic reaction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matri Posted December 2, 2009 Report Share Posted December 2, 2009 Be sure not to aim the blood gush at her, that's a no no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zombie Posted December 2, 2009 Report Share Posted December 2, 2009 One of the first things I tried, actually. She brought up The Kite Runner (book) and I served what I thought was an ace, stating that not only did I read and enjoy it, the film was good as well. She shot me down, stating that the book was too violent for her in places. I fear our tastes in film are too different, and she will mention some chick flicks and my nose will gush with blood in a violent allergic reaction.Did you ask her what she thought of the film? Not much more than 24 hours into the topic and the fraudulent use of animals and children is already being suggested. My God.Just stating the obvious, don't sound too surprised. I know I'm not the only person here who was thinking of this. It's not really fraudulent either, it's more of an aid to tip the tide in your favor. Though, if you walk the walk, you should also talk the talk as well (do not stick your foot in your mouth too often when speaking to her, otherwise anything you do will be overshadowed by what you say). In any event, good luck. - Zombie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Voyager Posted December 2, 2009 Report Share Posted December 2, 2009 And blush as much as possible when you're with her and be embarrassed afterwards. When she notices she will feel empathy (unless she's a cold hearted queen of ice) which is good since you're emotionally bonding. And afterwards both of you can have a laugh and start talking about interesting matters. I... don't think this is a good suggestion... Feeling pity for a guy usually won't persuade a woman that he is a good match. But she might try to hook you up with her over-motherly friend to comfort you... You'll just have to relax and start talking, preferably about things you know about. And DO ASK her about things she knows and likes to talk about. Sadly guys have the most success with women when they don't care about the outcome. That is when you are relaxed, seem confident and reliable. After quitting with a former girlfriend like eight years ago I have had it. Seriously, I made a commitment to myself that from then on I'll not feel burdened when looking for a girlfriend. I just lost too many nerves on silly issues like that before. Feeling exactly like you. Ok, so what I was going to do is go to a girl I like at any party, not care about the outcome, and ask for her phone number. If she gives it I'll ask her out later, if she doesn't - her loss. But BEWARE. The first girl I went to. Seriously. The first. Gave me her number. I went away as I came with friends so I wanted to have a good time with them. I called her two days later (she didn't fake the number). We went out. And are now expecting a second child. So BEWARE. Don't be cool about girls if you are not prepared to take the consequences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorondor Posted December 2, 2009 Report Share Posted December 2, 2009 FA is not at home right now. Leave a message. It's a lost case, SV. He _wants_ her to have his babies. I wonder how it would work out if he just blurted that out... :: "Let's get to know each other first, shall we, luv?" *bingo!* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hobbes Posted December 2, 2009 Report Share Posted December 2, 2009 I wonder how it would work out if he just blurted that out... I have a .txt file lurking on my hard drive with some 100 pick-up lines. Here are a few that might help (or possibly not!): "That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed..." "Say, didn't we go to different schools together?" "I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!" "Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?" "Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?" "Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?" At the office copy machine: "Reproducing eh? Can I help?" "Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?" "Hey baby...can you suck start a Harley?" "Hey babe, how about a pizza and a ****? What's the matter, don't like pizza?" "I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good." "If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold _IT_ against me?" "Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist." "Want to come see my hard drive? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy." "I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data. What are your measurements?" "Hi, I make more money than you can spend." "My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gimli Posted December 2, 2009 Report Share Posted December 2, 2009 "Hi, I make more money than you can spend." Does not compute. Really, just show her your X-COM: Collector's Edition. ... What? I never said it would work. I would say: be yourself. Even though it's probably not the answer you or anyone else (including me) wants to hear. It's OK if you don't like some of the same things, I think. Yeah, I don't really have a lot of experience, so I'll shut up now. X-COM is the way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jman4117 Posted December 4, 2009 Report Share Posted December 4, 2009 The Notebook and "Let's make babies!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FullAuto Posted December 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2009 Me: "Your eyes are like spanners!" Her: "What?" M: "They make my nuts tighten!" H: *SLAP* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex_D Posted December 5, 2009 Report Share Posted December 5, 2009 She's pretty, frighteningly competent, much more intelligent than I (though you could also say this of the brown crust at the bottom of my tea mug), encyclopaedically knowledgeable about every bit of the job, knows at least half the people who come in by name and preference, totally professional, always smartly dressed, unfailingly polite and pleasant even to morons, and in every way, shape and form, makes me look like shit. I think I'm in love. (this is a good topic to come back from lurking, so I bite) All depends. That reminds me of the case of a very pretty girl who worked as our front desk for over a year. Seriously, some questions: How old is she? How old are you? Do you know she's a bf/hb? Does she particularly smiles more at you than the others? Does she genuinely laughs at your jokes? Does she looks at you as another staff, as a "friend", or as a potential mate? (The last one is if she subtely "checks" you). Depend of the answers. You already told she's not a airhead, and she's pretty and . So she knows the approaches of the most "cocky" guys, and probably is tired of them. And it's not uncommon she may go for a "shy" guy. Be yourself, and by that, mean it. However that doesn't mean you would not stop being corteous. Be sweet, smooth, but still manly. Wear clean clothes and be well groomed. Assuming she's w/o bf/hb, to see if there's a chance, try talking to her in the next workplace's social gathering, bring some other coming social event (movie, play, etc) and just plain ask her out to accompany you as like this "Would you like to go with me to see this *etc*?". That's for testing the waters. To build up confidence and perhaps to get her attention as a potential mate, I'd suggest a unorthodox and (depending of how much do you make, expensive but certainly fun) approach: Get a escort that is prettier or more voluptuous than her and spend a few sessions (on different days) to "warm" up your pheromones and to get her advice. The rest is up to you. Alex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FullAuto Posted December 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2009 We're quite close in age (I believe she's one year older or younger than me, I have been told but my memory fails) and we do seem to get on quite well. Sometimes. She seems to run hot and cold, so I don't know if it's just catching her on bad days, or she's not taking her medication regularly, or what. I don't think 'Be yourself' really works, does it? Or am I the only one here who is a bastard? All my previous success in relationships has come from pretending to be a caring, understanding person... I think she's been educated to a higher standard than I, going by her reading matter (not that I checked what she reads or anything. Is that stalkerish? If it is, I didn't do it). And she appears to be quite conservative and traditional, so I really do need my rude, coarse, disgusting and otherwise uncouth sensibilities and humour. Which is most of me. See what I can do about getting an attractive female friend to buzz around me, though... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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