Kernel Posted March 13, 2006 Report Share Posted March 13, 2006 Sleep? SLEEP? Pah... years of strict Imperial Guard training mean I don't need to slee....... ****SNORE**** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted March 13, 2006 Report Share Posted March 13, 2006 You chaps make those Indian fakirs who sleep on nail beds look a bit soft Okay, we have a silo full of nuclear weapons underneath BB's somewhat lumpy mattress. However, we have misplaced BB because I thought I would test one of the nuclear missiles when he was asleep, and he has since vanished from my radar screens. We now need an insane dictator. O glorious Queen, do you think you could model your rule on that of President Saparmurat Niyazov of Turkmenistan? Any national leader who has a national holiday to celebrate a melon and has renamed bread after his mother has to be interestingly insane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kernel Posted March 13, 2006 Report Share Posted March 13, 2006 Actualy a lot of his laws seem like a good idea. # banning news readers from wearing make-up as Niyazov had difficulty telling male and female readers apart# banning lip syncing when performing songs# In December, 1999, that every school pupil, student, soldier and military officer in Turkmenistan is to be presented on New Year's Eve with a watch bearing the picture of President Saparmurat Niyazov# In April, 2001, banning ballet and opera, describing them as "Not a part of Turkmen culture"# In 2001, forbidding young men to wear long hair or beardsNo arguments from me on any of these... I mean... who watches ballet or opera? And a watch is always nice to get for a present. # In 2004, insisting that all licensed drivers pass a morality testDamn... this guy should be making laws in the UK. # In March 2004, dismissing 15,000 public health workers in wide-ranging cuts that particularly targeted nurses, midwives, school health visitors and orderlies[1]# In April 2004, urging young people not to get gold tooth caps or gold teeth, suggesting instead that they chew on bones to preserve their teeth[2]# In February 2005, ordering the closure of all hospitals outside Ashgabat, saying that if people were ill, they could come to the capital; also ordering the closure of all rural libraries of Turkmenistan, saying that ordinary Turkmens do not read books anyway[3]Ok, bit of a crazy year here between March 2004 and Feb 2005... although the whole book thing seems pretty acurate for the young people in the UK. # In September 2005, proclaiming that a large zoo would be built in a desert area of TurkmenistanGetting better... what better way is there to make the desert more attractive? # In November 2005, ordering that physicians swear an oath to himself instead of the Hippocratic Oath# In December 2005, banning video games, stating that they were too violent for young Turkmen to playOh dear... he seems to have lost it again. The days of the week are better:* Monday - the Major Day* Tuesday - Young Day* Wednesday - Favorable Day* Thursday - Blessed Day* Friday - Friday* Saturday - the Spiritual Day* Sunday - Rest Day Why leave friday alone? Well because it's the best day of the week of course!!! :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krabjuice Posted March 13, 2006 Report Share Posted March 13, 2006 As much as Lady Tammy would be suited to the task, it is my hope that we bring new blood and new ideas into the government. Ie. Make me the supreme commander and leader of all things that happen in Tamriel. You won't regret it. Immediately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bomb Bloke Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 *BB is still accelerating* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uriaheep Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 New blood? New ideas? Government? These are radical proposals indeed for Tamriel, do you realise how old the Troll is? You can't go changing things - it would have an adverse effect on all Troll life. Although I'm warming to the New Blood idea. https://www.secretgarden.plus.com/surg.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kernel Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 You propose removing Queen Tammy from the daily running of the country!!??To even suggest such a thing is considered treason of the worst kind! OFF WITH THE TRAITOR'S HEAD!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krabjuice Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 No, not what I meant. You see, she can rule the country. The entire country.I just get to rule her. Thats all. Oh, and if this does go through, my first action will be to have Lady Tammy turn all the trolls into cabbage patch kids. That way, they'll never die. Of age. I mean. They're still vulnerable to gunshots. Well, really, the flying bullets as a result of the gunshots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uriaheep Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 Mmmm, still sounds like treason to me - I suggest AT puts on his other odd shaped hat and enters in the guise of The Grand Inquisitor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krabjuice Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 Inquisitors can be shot too, even when Grand. I wouldn't recomend it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 Trying to make yourself the power behind the throne is also treasonable. Your punishment will be to spend the next ten years watching reruns of inane reality TV shows like I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here and Celebrity Big Brother. Additionally, I am going to increase your personal rate of income tax to 500% Our beloved Queen would never pass any anti-troll legislation, partly because she is benevolent and partly because I'm the only one who knows where the treasury is Oh, and trolls are silicon based lifeforms, which makes projectile weapons ineffective against us Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uriaheep Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 Oh, and trolls are silicon based lifeforms, which makes projectile weapons ineffective against us Is that what silicon smells like? I wondered what it was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krabjuice Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 500% Is that not a decrease >_>Speaking of which, I've got a autocannon on hand with incendiary rounds. Last I heard: Trolls, even Grand Trolls that go on Inquisitions, burn real good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kernel Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 * Lines up twin plasma cannon's on Krabjuice * Don't you know that owning incendiary ammunition in Tamriel was made illegal after BB burnt the last Love Nest to the ground? Accounting Troll would you remind me what the punishment was for this offence? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 Hanging, although not by the neck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uriaheep Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 Odd, I thought you hung them by the bridge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 Bits of them I do. However, this is a first offence, so the punishment is to clean out the midden. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krabjuice Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 So, is there any way that I can consolidate absolute power without being bizzarly punished or killed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 Regrettably not. Bizarre punishments are meted out randomly anyway, so I wouldn't worry too much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krabjuice Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 Can I try again next week? I'll bring cookies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 Throw in a bottle of scotch, and you've got a deal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kernel Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 You can try again on Friday if you want, as long as you bring lot's of Guinness for St Patricks Day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krabjuice Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 Wait, thats right, you'll be drunk. Perfect. You can just laz about while I position myself as your supreme ruler. Friday it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bomb Bloke Posted March 15, 2006 Report Share Posted March 15, 2006 *comes down and smashes through the roof* Woah, I gotta get that alarm clock fixed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uriaheep Posted March 15, 2006 Report Share Posted March 15, 2006 Hi ya BB, Good of you to drop it. I just heard AT say that there is no way of consolidating absolute power without being bizzarly punished or killed but don't you remember Mad Prince Chestwig, he tried that and it was decided to busy him alive. That wasn't really bizzar was it? Now who's going to clean all this plaster up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now