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Worst Game Cover Art?


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I wanted to see how far the industry had progressed, via the medium of cover artistry.

 

Let's face it, you'd have to be a hero to rescue a gigantic Top Secret file:

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/gih.jpg

 

"I've got something in my eye and it hurts!"

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/B00029P93W02_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

 

We don't appear to have progressed very far in the intervening years. Guns, explosions, etc.

 

However, at least we're not quite so creepy any more:

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/clowns_cartridge.jpg

 

And that footballers should no longer exercise solely with their right leg (what quads!):

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/kick-off_bubble_bus.jpg

 

And maybe we've learned some other lessons. Like not to try too hard:

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/rivalturf.gif

 

Not to be too odd:

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/nesprincesstomato.jpg

 

Not to knock up the cover art on our lunch break:

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/dow.jpg

 

And finally, that the cover should maybe have something to do with the actual game.

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/US_SNES_-_Phalanx.jpg

 

Any other contenders?

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I want to know what cucumber-head is so unhappy about. He has arms and legs, a face, etc, which is more than most cucumbers have. Is he jealous of Princess Tomato hogging the limelight? Are the people of the kingdom actually chopped up to make salad in a sort of vegetable ethnic cleansing?

 

And who the Hell is the one on the right? King Aubergine?

 

Sega's conviction that the West is Asian-allergic really pays off when they feel the need to re-do all the artwork:

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/tshootercover.jpg

 

At last, we discover who ate all the pies:

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/bubbledsg1eq.jpg

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Step one of the Sega Success School plan? Make sure both the game's title and cover are exciting:

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/U-031-S-00010-A.jpg

 

Step two: Make sure cover models are breakdancers or epileptic. Preferably both:

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/streetsofrage25ed.jpg

 

Step three: Mahoosive gold keys and mullets must, repeat, MUST feature, and all religious references must be removed. If this makes a certain character look stupidly like he has his hands stuck together, so be it.

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/1047364559-00.jpg

 

Step four: Bill Clinton must feature on at least one (1) sports game cover per year.

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/9.jpg

 

Step five: Don't worry about the competition.

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/ninjagolf.jpg

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Ninja golf and a banjo player in the midst of a space battle. What profound combinations!

 

As for the changed cover art in general - they're injustices, but I suppose someone has to give starving artists a helping hand. :D

 

- NKF

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He got a gun, he's a broker, he likes hookers and gambling. "In the real world the good guys ralely win", what that supposed to do with that guy? AND why casino's security is holding his arm? No more bets? "Game over for you, looser!"?

 

https://www.exotica.org.uk/gallery/games/images/c/Corruption.jpg

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You're part of the Pursuit Force, chasing a busty motorcyclist. How do you catch her? By jumping at her and shooting at her simultaneously, of course! While travelling at high speed!

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/pursuit2rh.jpg

 

David Duchovny's Streetfighting. Not only do you get to punch people, you get to throw them through windows using only the power of your mind. Meanwhile, the drunk beneath the window cries.

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/streetsmartcover.jpg

 

No introduction could suffice.

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/esh.jpg

 

Obey health and safety laws when you use your bazooka. Wear goggles.

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/bazooka_bill.jpg

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I used to own Ninja Golf.

 

It was not bad for an Atari game. Played just like any golf game, except once you hit the ball, you had to battle frogs, ninjas and all kinds of crazy bad guys to get to wherever you hit the ball to.

 

One thing is that you never actually get the ball into any hole. Once you make it to the green, you fight a dragon then ascend to the next level.

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  • 1 month later...

:oh: Phalanx and that Ninja Golf cracked me up. I'd never seen those two before.

 

To be fair though some of my favourite games aren't exactly blessed with great cover art either.

 

 

Enter Hulk Hogan, Ming the Merciless's new cocktail, and a jobs-worth looking woman with a clipboard.

 

https://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y267/Flark/jaggedal.gif

 

 

JA2 isn't much better either. What can I say?

 

https://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y267/Flark/jaggeda2.jpg

 

 

And how about one of our favourites Hammer & Sickle. Be honest would anyone have bought this game based on the cover art having not previously played Silent Storm? Does the Russian really have to appear quite so strange looking?

 

 

https://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y267/Flark/hs.jpg

 

All great games but sadly they're not exactly selling themselves with the cover art are they?

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Good ones! Is that the original JA2 cover art? Come to think of it, it is the only one I've ever seen, but I thought it was the budget release art?

 

Forgot just how menacing H&S cover man is. Not someone you'd want to meet in a public toilet.

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He reminds of a guy from Broken Sword. The man with the scar, forgot his name though.

 

By the way, the front left guy on the "Soldiers of Fortune" cover art looks like someone had pummeled him in the head a lot when he was a child.

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Oh I just couldn't resist.

 

 

 

https://img72.imageshack.us/img72/6849/paczc6.jpg

 

Did they even play this game when they made the box? I like the jogging attire, but the castle walls are a bit of a stretch.

 

 

https://img441.imageshack.us/img441/3817/donkeyfj5.jpg

Sporty Mullet - check

Spandex costume for plummer? - check

Thor's hammer - check

Grotesque monkey throwing beer kegs - check

disclaimer that it's only based on the arcade game- check

This game has it all!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Bad.

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/mm2.jpg

 

Worse. What was this art actually for? Sim Smog?

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/ForbiddenPlanet.jpg

 

Strange to think that not too long ago, the retarded were cruelly used as models for the cover art of games.

 

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/1MetrocrossA.jpg

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