Accounting Troll Posted October 27, 2006 Report Share Posted October 27, 2006 Come to think of it, Aralez didn't put up much of a struggle... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumb_Commander Posted October 28, 2006 Report Share Posted October 28, 2006 Uh, I thunk my breakfast is coming up. Bye, gotta go. *Runs of to the WC* ~6 minutes later~ *walks out of the WC* I think someone should call the plumbers, the toilet's clogged. And a note to myself, do not eat tuna with tomato slices and hell hot chilli dogs with raw liver slices. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted October 28, 2006 Report Share Posted October 28, 2006 I'm not surprised you fell ill after eating that lot. Just the thought makes me feel queasy Toilet clogged up again, eh? I should have known that heretic would be too big to flush Release Aralez from his unholy bonds so I can perform the miracle of delegating an unpleasant task. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bomb Bloke Posted October 28, 2006 Report Share Posted October 28, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumb_Commander Posted October 28, 2006 Report Share Posted October 28, 2006 *Releases Aralez* Okay he's released AT. *Injects something into Aralez* This liquid's use is to paralyze. Uh oh. *Runs to another WC* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ender117 Posted October 28, 2006 Report Share Posted October 28, 2006 That meal makes me queesy, but it still sounds better than what they are serving here in Iraq half of the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aralez Posted October 28, 2006 Report Share Posted October 28, 2006 It better is, because that Aralez-lookalike-doll (the one you thought was me) made entirely of Lasagne did cost me a fortune. *hides in a transdimensional hideout and swallows the key* https://www.smiliegenerator.de/s31/smilies-20142.png Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumb_Commander Posted October 28, 2006 Report Share Posted October 28, 2006 That meal makes me queesy, but it still sounds better than what they are serving here in Iraq half of the time. You think raw liver is good, that liver is from a human. I need it to keep down my blood presure. *Scratches his finger and the blood spurts out and squishes a fly against the wall* Like I said, my blood presure is like a gas propelled bullet. It better is, because that Aralez-lookalike-doll (the one you thought was me) made entirely of Lasagne did cost me a fortune. *hides in a transdimensional hideout and swallows the key* https://www.smiliegenerator.de/s31/smilies-20142.png Thank you very much. Now I need to callibrate my teleportation remote. *Starts calibrating* Maybe a it will take only couple of hours or five eons. (8000 years per eon {I think) Now don't disturb me. https://www.smiliegenerator.de/s31/smilies-20156.png Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted October 28, 2006 Report Share Posted October 28, 2006 *Notes musty smell with a hint of decomposing Krab in the air after the departure of Aralez.* One of the problems with teleporting somewhere is the matter in the volume of space you teleport in to. In order to avoid an extrememly painful accident, you have to swap the position of yourself and the matter in the area you are teleporting into. By analysing the area where Aralez was, we can deduce his present location. *Goes to DC's intensive interrogation rooms, and heads for the medieval tortue device called an iron maiden in the corner.* Are you quite comfortable in there, Aralez? Do you feel like renouncing your heresy yet, or shall I see what this little wheel does? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aralez Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 *hacks AT's computer with the location data of his hideout and changes them with Matri's coordinates in Tammys pocket* Well, one cat or another, doesn't matter https://www.smiliegenerator.de/s31/smilies-20230.png Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 Nice try, but I keep all my important information on a Psion Organiser II. There is no possible way of hacking it. The machine you foolishly tried to hack into has an automatic tracer (written in OPL, the only programming language devised by a troll) on any remote access attempts. The trace led back to the Iron Maiden, further proving the heretic nature of the helpless victim it now holds. It was misguided of you to buy the batteries for your transporter device from a company owned and controlled by myself. You are now utterly trapped in an Iron Maiden for all eternity, with absolutely no chance of escape and entirely at the mercy of myself and DC, who is even nastier than me Regurgitating the key will not help you, as I am afraid the lock is one of my devising, with advice from DC, the Church and the Imperial Guard. You have only one hope of survival: throw yourself on the Bessed Tammy's mercy and convince her that you are worthy of the gift of continued existence in Her presence. Since you have revealed that you are Her father, an important first step woul be to provide Her with all those birthday, Christmas and Thanksgiving presents you have cruelly failed to provide for Her with during her whole life. Perhaps a nice long stretch on the rack (I'm determined to keep using this pun until I get a LOL out of somebody, preferably Tammy, and a hug would not be amiss) will remind you of your parental responsibilities... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kernel Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 with advice from DC, the Church and the Imperial Guard. Wait... you used Imperial Guard technology to help build that lock? Uh Oh... Not even the Imperial Guard does that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aralez Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 *sits in his pimped and modified Iron Maiden, enjoys a longdrink, sitting at the swimmingpool with some playboy bunnies. Puts his cigar aside for a moment: Fatherly duties, me? ... continues to smoke his cigar and smiles.* https://www.smiliegenerator.de/s31/smilies-20325.png Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matri Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 Hey! That's even bigger than my pocket! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumb_Commander Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 Okay, calibrated the remote. But I see that Aralez is already caputred and having hallucinations. This iron maiden is modifed such way that it can't be made larger or biger, so what Aralez is seeing is an hallucination. *Opens a cabinet with lot's of full syringes inside* During that toxic waste spill in Tamriel I analysed the waste and found that it contained most of the deadlies viruses, with my Bio-Tech Computer™ I was able to separate all the viruses and put them into these syringes. A worthy collection and good tools for torture. *Opens an txt document in his Bio-Tech Computer™* Syptoms of syringe #43 Fever, headache, vomiting, confusion, drowsiness, photophobia, weakness, seizures, stiffness of the neck, stiffness of the limbs, slowness in movement and clumsiness, swelling, small bleedings and cell death. (Body cells die) Commonly named rabbies. I can make the virus only attack Aralez, it only takes 30 seconds with this computer. *Inserts the syringe into the computer modifier* ~30 seconds later~ Well, it's ready. Who would like to do the honors ofinjecting this into Aralez? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 Hey! That's even bigger than my pocket! But it's not MY pocket. Oh, and *hugs* AT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 Yay! A royal hug! Aralez, those rabbits you are with have been genetically engineered to prefer to eat meat, preferably that of cats. I'm off to fortify the bridge. Halloween is coming up, so I need to be ready to repel those tribes of feral children who take the opportunity to demand money with menaces by saying "Trick or Treat". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumb_Commander Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 Take this, maybe it will help you. *Gives AT a man sized box* I just got it for African research labs. It's a sentry, with the ability to mimick any appearance. I modifed it, so that it would use OPL programming language. I has a lot of lethal & non-lethal defence, offence weapons. To be sure that no one would hack it, I've added a ant-hack program writen in OPL. Have fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aralez Posted October 29, 2006 Report Share Posted October 29, 2006 Fever, headache, vomiting, confusion, drowsiness, photophobia, weakness, seizures, stiffness of the neck, stiffness of the limbs, slowness in movement and clumsiness, swelling, small bleedings and cell death. (Body cells die) Hmm, that's how i feel each morning since i can remember, no harm done *pinches himself to prove that everything around him is real and throws some rabbits on his BBQ* https://www.smiliegenerator.de/s31/smilies-20644.png *secretly looks at a small photo of Tammy and sighs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted October 30, 2006 Report Share Posted October 30, 2006 Hey, heretics aren't allowed to have a BBQ. It's US Army field rations for you until you repent. We've got a fresh batch in - I got it cheap because it's army surplus from the Spanish-American War. And no pictures of Tammy either. If it's female companionship you want, I know a nice Wargot girl who has been rather lonely since she ate her last boyfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ender117 Posted October 30, 2006 Report Share Posted October 30, 2006 Hey don't worry Aralez. Those Army field rations are awesome man. Well, I can't say much for the Spanish-American ones. But hey at least you know that if he were to give you some recent ones, they'd be good, especially the Chicken Cavatelli. It is kinda like Chicken Parmesan. UUmmm now I'm hungry. *Yells across the office "Hey Sergeant go get me an M.R.E and make sure you draw a Chicken Cavetelli." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uriaheep Posted October 30, 2006 Report Share Posted October 30, 2006 *Yawns* Hey keep the noise down, some of us are trying to sleep. What's that box doing in here? and what's that horrid' smell? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted October 30, 2006 Report Share Posted October 30, 2006 You'll be grateful for that box tommorow night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ender117 Posted October 31, 2006 Report Share Posted October 31, 2006 Funny thing is my sergeant saw me talking about mre's and actually went and got me a chicken cavatelli. Woo hoo take that AT and your spanish american rations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted October 31, 2006 Report Share Posted October 31, 2006 Foiled again I had ordered 20,000 tonnes of MREs because I had heard that some American soldiers had given them the nickname Meals Rejected by Ethiopians. Those trick-or-treaters who come round tonight had better be hungry... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now