On January 4th my mom, grandma and youngest son were killed in an auto accident. It's been a week and I'm still scatter brained over all of this. I can't eat, I've become short tempered with my wife and friends. I keep rubbing my eyes, I need to stop doing that. My mind races and I can't sleep, so I wanted to say I'm sorry.  I guess this my goodbye.  I don't know. My heart hurts. 

 

-A

26 minutes ago, NoXTheRoXStaR said:

On January 4th my mom, grandma and youngest son were killed in an auto accident. It's been a week and I'm still scatter brained over all of this. I can't eat, I've become short tempered with my wife and friends. I keep rubbing my eyes, I need to stop doing that. My mind races and I can't sleep, so I wanted to say I'm sorry.  I guess this my goodbye.  I don't know. My heart hurts. 

 

-A

Damn, NoX... there are no words for this. My deepest condolences. 

What terrible news, NoX. I can't imagine how one deals with such an enormous loss.

There is much to grieve. I hope in time you'll come to terms with it and can find some manner of peace. In the end I'm sure that's what your loved ones would want most.

I shouldn't have posted this here initially. This is my favorite venue, think of it as an old class bar/restaurant. I suppose one may consider it a safe haven in which to settle down and compile thoughts? Ah who cares. Until Pete kicks me off, I'll use this time to communicate with my friends and muse with myself.

There are stages evidently people go through. Sadness, Anger, Acceptance, Guilt. I don't know in which order their supposed to belong. I see my family and friends show their emotions. I get the text messages, the sympathy cards in the mail. The phone calls about my loss, and to be honest. I don't feel anything at all.

 

You're just numb. Kind of in a daze. That's bound to happen and that general sensation of being 'out of it' can linger.

It's just too big a loss. Not something you can ever process from one day to another. There's no timeline for such things. It will hit you when it hits you.

They're suddenly missing and you're sort of amiss too now. Mostly, you just don't want all the pain, but you're going to have to take it at some point. And, you know, others close by need you around, as you need them too. Find support in each other, one day at a time.

IMO Thor said it all. I don't find you to be a man that could just shrug off anything, let alone the immense loss you experienced. And will continue to experience for some time.

Nox, I too find StrategyCore to be like an old pub with regular clientele and excellent beer. I don't mind at all if you find it a place of solace. Still, these are the internets and one has to be aware. We should all t(h)read carefully out here.

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I'm trying to type and compose myself. I know, I agree with you both.

I never shrug anything off, I let things burrow, fester and manifest while I sleep and when I wake there is ether rage or solace.

I overcame alcoholism (SV knows about that). I won't use that as a crutch now either. 

-NoX

For what it is worth... the only thing that helped me in times of distress, however uncomparable, was letting things out, sharing them with people both trustworthy and willing to listen. When I started talking about my problems, tears went into overdrive and washed at least part of the anxiety away. REALLY helped.

I feel numb because I have to be. I have to move personal belongings from my grandmothers house and my moms apartment out. I'm trying very hard to be strong for my wife and kids. My parents and grandparents were for a better word stoic. I wouldn't label them uncaring but more like not showing emotions.

I guess I'm like my father. I never met him personally, he died when I was 3. Emotionally, I guess I'm a fucking pussy. When I hear certain songs or watch movies my eyes tear up and it all dissolves into memories.

My wife is my backbone. I thank God in prayers at night that because of her I'm not a jellyfish.

Do you know what's going to kill me?

It's moving 4 generations of furniture out of a 3 story house.... fuck and all I wanted to do this year was do my review of GalCivs.

Ok, enough emotional baggage, I'll be fine.