Accounting Troll

Wait until Aralez tries to start his Skyranger. Crime around here is so bad that a car driver won't stop at traffic lights because his car will be on bricks when the lights go green a moment later...

I do hope this isn't going to lead to any innuendo

*heroically cuts a path through the tropical flower house, using a flamethrower to kill thousands of troll eating triffids, snatches Tammy from Aralez and departs* Matri, am I to understand that you were running your own construction business without paying corporation tax? That's going to cost you an arm and a leg I'm also imposing a few taxes on the practice of nosekissing unless a troll is involved. Cusan trwyn

You do know that jet engines are a British invention? Although I'm sure that Hollywood is working on a way to give the credit to the Americans. Just like they did with the Battle of Britain and the Enigma decoding...

Sound waves at the right frequency can cause a considerable amount of physical damage. Consider stories of opera singers using their voices to shatter glass. Or the sonic booms caused by aircraft damaging buildings. A scientific explanation can be found here, but I am afraid it is hard to follow if physics isn't your strong point. It has caused physical destruction to buildings, such as the Tacoma Narrows Bridge

Matri got a bit peckish and ate the invading hordes. Apparently Krabjuice was particularly delicious

That's the bunny. I don't think the number of aliens was reduced - I've routinely gone up against 20 aliens on terror missios or assaulting the larger UFOs. Before, I only experienced those numbers on snakeman terror missions when civilians and luckless soldiers start getting turned into zombies. The limit of 90 objects for bodies and alien equipment isn't much of a problem when you have a fondness for blaster launchers

Doesn't Xcomutil fix a bug that prevents a greater number of aliens from being spawned in tactical missions on higher difficulty settings?

Austin Powers? I assure you that my robots are much nastier than something you would find in such a juvenile film. Robo-Tammys do however come with a chainsaw to ensure that any cat or robo-Aralez that gets friendly with them is neutered

I might add that there's something rather tacky about a plastic dove...

Did you just blow up that dove? Why would the true Tammy be pleased at the sight of animal cruelty that doesn't involve cats?

I'm more concerned about the robot Tammy that Aralez kidnapped. I designed the Tamminators to kill by getting the victim in a bear hug and then squeezing. Since I'm the only one who can differentiate between my robotic creations and Tammy, I will soon get a monopoly of the hugs issued by the true Tammy

I liked the representation of the constant bickering between suppposedly allied nations

*Looks through statute books* The appropriate punishment is to watch the recent football match between England and Andorra on a repetitive loop

Oh dear, that means that Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to turn up in a minute and finish off anything that Matri and Aralez haven't drunk. After he finds a pair of trousers of course... I'm just glad that I hid all the good stuff and replaced it with anti-freeze

Just be careful - I watched Terminator 3 over the weekend, and I've designed a number of Terminators that look like Tammy. I wouldn't want you to be taminated. And that's before we get on to the matter of the laser fences and the psionic devices guarding my distillery. And Matri is going to be in *REAL* trouble if he tries to get into a terminator's pocket by mistake

I'm keeping Tammy in hiding until the plague of cats has been dealt with Tammy is in the most secure location I could think of - my private distillery. With all the defences I installed, nobody's been able to raid it.

So you are a long term citizen of Tamriel and Tammy's pocket then? That makes you eligable for the new cat fur tax. *Fishes out old fashioned cut-throat style razor* DC, be careful when you subject Aralez to unspeakable torture. We can sell on his intestines to a violin maker, but only if they are intact. Normally the catgut used for violin strings comes from sheep instead, but I think it is time for a revival of the traditional methods

I should point out that you brought those mines from a company that happens to be a wholly owned subsidiary of Tamriel's Chancellor of the Exchequer - me! I now know the exact location of your secret lair as you supplied me with an invoicing address and a delivery address. That was all I needed to know in order to be able to follow you through all the shell companies you set up. By the way, pay up! An interesting quirk of those mines is that once activated, they are detonated by sound waves as opposed to having someone sit on them. Your snoring set them off. Don't worry as I'm tracking you on my radar system, and I've computed where you will land. Don't worry though, as I'm fairly sure that the classical stories of what Amazon warriors did to male prisoners were exaggerated. In retrospect, this might not have happened if it hadn't been for me quietly cancelling the state budget speech last month and then making off with the resultant savings.

*Removes Tammy disguise, hefts axe and beheads Aralez* If only these criminals put more effort into their dastardly schemes. I think I'll bake a cat pie...

We're never going to get rid of those wretched cats now

I think that the Sectoids, along with most of the species the aliens throw at humanity in X-Com Enemy Unknown were once independent races that were conqured by the aliens and subjected to genetic engineering experiments. There seem to be limits to what genetic engineering and surgery can acheicve with each alien race, so if the Sectoids ever slept when they were free, then they still do. If the aliens were creating these species from scratch, then X-Com would have had to do battle with telepathic Mutons and Cryssalids, which would have been tricky.

This has given me an idea for dealing with the cat problem. *Carefully places several bowls of catfood in the middle of a minefield*

*Uses psi projector to take over Kernel's mind* Now I can start killing all those blasted cats and someone else'll get arrested for it

*Watches a tumbleweed drift past and being chased by a couple of kittens*