The Girl At Work


  • Please log in to reply
260 replies to this topic

#1 FullAuto

FullAuto

    Catching the next pimpmobile outta here!

  • Chief Editor
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,853 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:UK

Posted 30 November 2009 - 12:19 AM

She's pretty, frighteningly competent, much more intelligent than I (though you could also say this of the brown crust at the bottom of my tea mug), encyclopaedically knowledgeable about every bit of the job, knows at least half the people who come in by name and preference, totally professional, always smartly dressed, unfailingly polite and pleasant even to morons, and in every way, shape and form, makes me look like shit.

I think I'm in love.

Erfworld - the finest comic about turn-based gaming ever.


#2 Matri

Matri

    Official Love Nest Mascot

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 587 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 30 November 2009 - 08:45 AM

*sets up the singing crab's song & dance* Go kiss de gurl, mon!
"Never be normal!" - Ron Stoppable

MechQuest. Get your mecha RPG fix.
Star Citizen.

#3 Space Voyager

Space Voyager

    I've got my eye on you!

  • Site Staff
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,456 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Slovenia

Posted 30 November 2009 - 09:27 AM

View PostFullAuto, on 30th November 2009, 1:19am, said:

She's pretty, frighteningly competent, much more intelligent than I (though you could also say this of the brown crust at the bottom of my tea mug), encyclopaedically knowledgeable about every bit of the job, knows at least half the people who come in by name and preference, totally professional, always smartly dressed, unfailingly polite and pleasant even to morons, and in every way, shape and form, makes me look like shit.

I think I'm in love.
Meh, you're just love-smitten. I'm sure that everything after "She's pretty" is very, very biased. And don't try to say it is all true, you are not capable of passing a judgement right now. You'd be happy even if she farted next to you...  :)

Thought about asking her out?   ;)

#4 Thorondor

Thorondor

    Thorondoropedia - Your source to everything Aftermath

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 40,289 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 30 November 2009 - 03:01 PM

Swept off your feet, poor lad... :)

Heed SV's words, however. News flash: Beware, you've lost your head!!

Now you know the origin of that "What the hell was I thinkin'?! I must'of been outta me mind! I'll have another pint..." denouement. Therefore, presently consider yourself lucky to be armed with such knowledge, Mr.Reproductor, Sir. :)

Sure, at first it's all about the lure of nicely obscuring, tucked away bookshelves. Next thing you know it's all about competently evading well-aimed volumes and demeaning jibes - all day long... ;)

::

I'd say, overall, it's fine if she just makes you look like crap. Especially as it's a marked improvement over actually feeling like it _and_ being penniless later. :)

#5 Zombie

Zombie

    Mr. Grognard of X-COM

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,548 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Wisconsin, USA

Posted 30 November 2009 - 03:54 PM

My only advise is to not mix business with pleasure. Aye, quite a few "couples" result from working for the same company, but relationships can equally backfire. If this happens, you'll still be working at the same place only this time under less than ideal circumstances. ;)

- Zombie

My X-COM Patch Kit For UFO Defense | Emergency XCOM Meeting spoof on YouTube




JellyfishGreen said:

Zombie: Empirical data's your only man, when formulating a research plan.
A soldier's death is never in vain if it makes the formula more plain.
A few dozen make a better case for refining that third decimal place.
They call me Zombie because I don't sleep, as I slowly struggle to climb this heap,
of corpses, data points, and trials, but from the top - I'll see for miles!

#6 FullAuto

FullAuto

    Catching the next pimpmobile outta here!

  • Chief Editor
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,853 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:UK

Posted 30 November 2009 - 07:39 PM

Quote

Meh, you're just love-smitten. I'm sure that everything after "She's pretty" is very, very biased. And don't try to say it is all true, you are not capable of passing a judgement right now. You'd be happy even if she farted next to you...

I do not care how true this is.  I am disregarding it.

Quote

News flash: Beware, you've lost your head!!

No trouble believing that.  When talking to her, I have severe difficulty forming basic sentences, because my brain is screaming "SAY SOMETHING WITTY.  WITTY!  BUT STAY COOL.  COOLER.  ICE COLD!  FREEZING WIT!" and the result is me being monosyllabic.

Quote

My only advise is to not mix business with pleasure. Aye, quite a few "couples" result from working for the same company, but relationships can equally backfire. If this happens, you'll still be working at the same place only this time under less than ideal circumstances

Ah, the voice of reason.  This too, I must disregard.

Come on, I know you lot have A Girl At Work too.

Erfworld - the finest comic about turn-based gaming ever.


#7 Pete

Pete

    Administrator

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,889 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Buckley, North Wales

Posted 30 November 2009 - 10:11 PM

I've got a girl at home. It's an altogether more terrifying situation ;)

Back to your situation though, I take it she's single?

In which case, buy a new wardrobe (preferably the contents thereof rather than the IKEA "it's Swedish for crap" flat-pack jobby itself), have a shave (no "stylish" facial hair mind, though stubble is apparently acceptable as long as it's 24-48 hours max and unless you're a werewolf), get your hair cut, wash more thoroughly than you otherwise might and perhaps try some aftershave and turn up to work a completely different person. Just randomly. On a Monday. Wear a shirt. Smart casual y'know.

It's amazing what a new wardrobe and a bit of effort can do for your confidence.

Worst possible scenario is you look a bit of a twa... err, twit. Good scenario is that you get a compliment from the lady. Better scenario is that said compliment is a nice one. Best possible scenario is you get a smile too. That's some form of interest.

Don't, ffs, whatever you do, put your foot in your mouth* when talking to her. Also, don't force the issue - this is known as harrassment.





* this has been scientifically proven to hinder walking ability
May your terror missions always be infested with Chrysalids.

#8 Thorondor

Thorondor

    Thorondoropedia - Your source to everything Aftermath

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 40,289 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 01 December 2009 - 12:59 PM

Tsk, tsk!... So much trouble and expense just to grow an appendage. Erm... so to speak. :)

And sorry to burst your bubble, but if she's such a hot item, she probably has a white-collar boyfriend already (think lawyer, banker, what have you), right?

If she's so efficient, she might be overly career-centric and cerebral... Shall I carry on or spare you further heart-break?

::

Well, if you must pursue la femme, just bring along your cutest, sweetest-smelling hamster one day (talcum powder the thing). She's practically guaranteed to melt on your hands at the sight of it, while discretely noticing how "sensitive" :) and well-built, outdoor, nature-loving a chap you are - not a stuffy bloke at all, as she had imagined...

By way of light conversation you mention how hamsters used to be employed by french resistance during WW2 as couriers and you discover a common passion for good WW2 movies and reading.

More importantly, handling the pet hands might accidentally touch... ;)

#9 Hobbes

Hobbes

    Peace through superior hairdos!

  • Fan Fiction
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,197 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Area 51

Posted 01 December 2009 - 02:22 PM

View PostPete, on 30th November 2009, 10:11pm, said:

Don't, ffs, whatever you do, put your foot in your mouth* when talking to her.

Meaning, don't ask her if she has ever been abducted by aliens or if she was to feel the power of your plasma rifle. ;)
Terrain Pack - 44 new terrains for the original game, using OpenXcom

My X-COM Fan Fictions: The Unknown Menace, Abyssal, Eulogy

#10 Space Voyager

Space Voyager

    I've got my eye on you!

  • Site Staff
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,456 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Slovenia

Posted 01 December 2009 - 02:26 PM

View PostThorondor, on 1st December 2009, 1:59pm, said:

...
:) Some very good and hamster-friendly suggestions there, Thorondor!  ;)

#11 Zombie

Zombie

    Mr. Grognard of X-COM

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,548 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Wisconsin, USA

Posted 01 December 2009 - 03:23 PM

Rodents are iffy to some women. I've found that dogs work much better. This presents logistical problem at the workplace so you'll probably need to get her to meet you outside of work (or "conveniently" bump into her on the weekend somehow). How to get a dog? I'm sure there are plenty of people who would be willing to let you take "Rover" for a walk whenever you want. ;)

Another way is much more difficult to pull off but the rewards are immeasurable: find a way to bump into her while you are babysitting (or as a more direct approach, invite her over to help). The only issue is of course is finding someone with a kid they will be willing to "lend" to you for a short while. Apparently women like a man who will be a good father, so if you can prove this to her it's all downhill from there. :)

This all assumes she is single and unattached. If not, it may be impossible or a lost cause. :)

- Zombie

My X-COM Patch Kit For UFO Defense | Emergency XCOM Meeting spoof on YouTube




JellyfishGreen said:

Zombie: Empirical data's your only man, when formulating a research plan.
A soldier's death is never in vain if it makes the formula more plain.
A few dozen make a better case for refining that third decimal place.
They call me Zombie because I don't sleep, as I slowly struggle to climb this heap,
of corpses, data points, and trials, but from the top - I'll see for miles!

#12 FullAuto

FullAuto

    Catching the next pimpmobile outta here!

  • Chief Editor
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,853 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:UK

Posted 01 December 2009 - 04:41 PM

Not much more than 24 hours into the topic and the fraudulent use of animals and children is already being suggested.  My God.

Quote

Back to your situation though, I take it she's single?

Yeah!

Quote

In which case, buy a new wardrobe (preferably the contents thereof rather than the IKEA "it's Swedish for crap" flat-pack jobby itself),

Been working on this.  T-shirts like this and this don't cut it.

Quote

have a shave

Sorted.

Quote

get your hair cut, wash more thoroughly than you otherwise might

Won't get any shorter, and no problem, respectively.

Quote

Worst possible scenario is you look a bit of a twa... err, twit.

Probably already done.

Quote

If she's so efficient, she might be overly career-centric and cerebral... Shall I carry on or spare you further heart-break?

This sort of thing worries me the most.  Not the career so much as her being simply too clever to fall for my bullshit.  At 27, my facade should be nigh-perfect, but apparently not.  Whenever we talk literature (often, given our library work) I find myself limiting my responses to fairly simple, closed answers and questions, for fear of seeming an idiot.  Discuss themes?  You must be having a giraffe.

Quote

Meaning, don't ask her if she has ever been abducted by aliens or if she was to feel the power of your plasma rifle.

*bites fist*

Worked with her just before the weekend, and that little voice at the back of my brain would not shut up.

"YOU'RE BLUSHING.  WHY ARE YOU BLUSHING?  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?  STOP BLUSHING!  STAND UP STRAIGHT!  SMILE.  SMILE!  NOT LIKE THAT!  YOU GRIN LIKE A SERIAL KILLER.  STOP IT!"

Erfworld - the finest comic about turn-based gaming ever.


#13 Hobbes

Hobbes

    Peace through superior hairdos!

  • Fan Fiction
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,197 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Area 51

Posted 01 December 2009 - 08:10 PM

View PostFullAuto, on 1st December 2009, 4:41pm, said:

Not the career so much as her being simply too clever to fall for my bullshit.  At 27, my facade should be nigh-perfect, but apparently not.  Whenever we talk literature (often, given our library work) I find myself limiting my responses to fairly simple, closed answers and questions, for fear of seeming an idiot.  Discuss themes?  You must be having a giraffe.

*bites fist*

Worked with her just before the weekend, and that little voice at the back of my brain would not shut up.

"YOU'RE BLUSHING.  WHY ARE YOU BLUSHING?  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?  STOP BLUSHING!  STAND UP STRAIGHT!  SMILE.  SMILE!  NOT LIKE THAT!  YOU GRIN LIKE A SERIAL KILLER.  STOP IT!"

Eventually all women see through our bullshit and facade, they never work 100%. And to expect otherwise is unrealistic. The trick is to use our bullshit and facade to lure them and afterwards be as natural as possible  so that she'll know that some is bs and look but the rest is the real deal.

And blush as much as possible when you're with her and be embarassed afterwards. When she notices she will feel empathy (unless she's a cold hearted queen of ice) which is good since you're emotionally bonding. And afterwards both of you can have a laugh and start talking about interesting matters.

And forget about the hamsters... I went to the pet store today and found out that they are out of hamsters. I explained the guy why I wanted the hamster for and found out that since demand was so high they are renting  the critters by the hour.
Terrain Pack - 44 new terrains for the original game, using OpenXcom

My X-COM Fan Fictions: The Unknown Menace, Abyssal, Eulogy

#14 Pete

Pete

    Administrator

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,889 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Buckley, North Wales

Posted 01 December 2009 - 10:38 PM

View PostThorondor, on 1st December 2009, 12:59pm, said:

...bring along your cutest, sweetest-smelling hamster one day (talcum powder the thing). She's practically guaranteed to melt on your hands at the sight of it...

Show 'er yer weasel! Hur hur ;)

Sorry.

Erm.

Does she like films? I feel you might do better on the film front than the literary front going by your last post - not that you're not literate, but just because there's less chance off you making a gaffe with that sort of guff. Perhaps a discussion about good book-movie conversions - It'll be a short conversation, but one I've the utmost confidence you can talk about with the utmost accuracy for hours!
May your terror missions always be infested with Chrysalids.

#15 FullAuto

FullAuto

    Catching the next pimpmobile outta here!

  • Chief Editor
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,853 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:UK

Posted 01 December 2009 - 10:59 PM

One of the first things I tried, actually.  She brought up The Kite Runner (book) and I served what I thought was an ace, stating that not only did I read and enjoy it, the film was good as well.

She shot me down, stating that the book was too violent for her in places.  I fear our tastes in film are too different, and she will mention some chick flicks and my nose will gush with blood in a violent allergic reaction.

Erfworld - the finest comic about turn-based gaming ever.


#16 Matri

Matri

    Official Love Nest Mascot

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 587 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 02 December 2009 - 04:24 AM

Be sure not to aim the blood gush at her, that's a no no.
"Never be normal!" - Ron Stoppable

MechQuest. Get your mecha RPG fix.
Star Citizen.

#17 Zombie

Zombie

    Mr. Grognard of X-COM

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,548 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Wisconsin, USA

Posted 02 December 2009 - 04:44 AM

View PostFullAuto, on 1st December 2009, 4:59pm, said:

One of the first things I tried, actually.  She brought up The Kite Runner (book) and I served what I thought was an ace, stating that not only did I read and enjoy it, the film was good as well.

She shot me down, stating that the book was too violent for her in places.  I fear our tastes in film are too different, and she will mention some chick flicks and my nose will gush with blood in a violent allergic reaction.
Did you ask her what she thought of the film? :)

View PostFullAuto, on 1st December 2009, 10:41am, said:

Not much more than 24 hours into the topic and the fraudulent use of animals and children is already being suggested.  My God.
Just stating the obvious, don't sound too surprised. I know I'm not the only person here who was thinking of this. :) It's not really fraudulent either, it's more of an aid to tip the tide in your favor. Though, if you walk the walk, you should also talk the talk as well (do not stick your foot in your mouth too often when speaking to her, otherwise anything you do will be overshadowed by what you say). ;)

In any event, good luck. :)

- Zombie

My X-COM Patch Kit For UFO Defense | Emergency XCOM Meeting spoof on YouTube




JellyfishGreen said:

Zombie: Empirical data's your only man, when formulating a research plan.
A soldier's death is never in vain if it makes the formula more plain.
A few dozen make a better case for refining that third decimal place.
They call me Zombie because I don't sleep, as I slowly struggle to climb this heap,
of corpses, data points, and trials, but from the top - I'll see for miles!

#18 Space Voyager

Space Voyager

    I've got my eye on you!

  • Site Staff
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,456 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Slovenia

Posted 02 December 2009 - 07:34 AM

View PostHobbes, on 1st December 2009, 9:10pm, said:

And blush as much as possible when you're with her and be embarrassed afterwards. When she notices she will feel empathy (unless she's a cold hearted queen of ice) which is good since you're emotionally bonding. And afterwards both of you can have a laugh and start talking about interesting matters.

I... don't think this is a good suggestion... Feeling pity for a guy usually won't persuade a woman that he is a good match. But she might try to hook you up with her over-motherly friend to comfort you...

You'll just have to relax and start talking, preferably about things you know about. And DO ASK her about things she knows and likes to talk about.

Sadly guys have the most success with women when they don't care about the outcome. That is when you are relaxed, seem confident and reliable. After quitting with a former girlfriend like eight years ago I have had it. Seriously, I made a commitment to myself that from then on I'll not feel burdened when looking for a girlfriend. I just lost too many nerves on silly issues like that before. Feeling exactly like you.

Ok, so what I was going to do is go to a girl I like at any party, not care about the outcome, and ask for her phone number. If she gives it I'll ask her out later, if she doesn't - her loss.  ;)

But BEWARE. The first girl I went to. Seriously. The first. Gave me her number. I went away as I came with friends so I wanted to have a good time with them. I called her two days later (she didn't fake the number). We went out. And are now expecting a second child. So BEWARE. Don't be cool about girls if you are not prepared to take the consequences.  :)

#19 Thorondor

Thorondor

    Thorondoropedia - Your source to everything Aftermath

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 40,289 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 02 December 2009 - 11:22 AM

FA is not at home right now. Leave a message. :)

It's a lost case, SV. He _wants_ her to have his babies. I wonder how it would work out if he just blurted that out... ;)

::

"Let's get to know each other first, shall we, luv?"

*bingo!*  :)

#20 Hobbes

Hobbes

    Peace through superior hairdos!

  • Fan Fiction
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,197 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Area 51

Posted 02 December 2009 - 04:22 PM

View PostThorondor, on 2nd December 2009, 11:22am, said:

I wonder how it would work out if he just blurted that out... ;)

I have a .txt file lurking on my hard drive with some 100 pick-up lines. Here are a few that might help (or possibly not!):

"That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed..."

"Say, didn't we go to different schools together?"

"I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!"

"Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?"

"Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?"

"Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?"

At the office copy machine: "Reproducing eh?  Can I help?"

"Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?"

"Hey baby...can you suck start a Harley?"

"Hey babe, how about a pizza and a ****? What's the matter, don't like pizza?"

"I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good."

"If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold _IT_ against me?"

"Forget that!  Playing doctor is for kids!  Let's play gynecologist."

"Want to come see my hard drive? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy."

"I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data.  What are your measurements?"

"Hi, I make more money than you can spend."

"My face is leaving in 15 minutes.  Be on it."
Terrain Pack - 44 new terrains for the original game, using OpenXcom

My X-COM Fan Fictions: The Unknown Menace, Abyssal, Eulogy




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users