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Episode III


DoomMunky

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Warning, spoilers ahead.

 

If you wanna talk about crap, I just saw the new Star Wars movie.

 

Um, yeah, can you say "betrayal of the franchise" anyone? There were several moments that inspired a sense of wonder, just enough to make me really mad that the rest of the movie was total, complete, utterly worthless and actually insulting bullshit.

 

Seeing that Greivous was actually partly organic? Truly cool. Opening space battle sequence? Completely silly and movie-esque (bashing pesky droids off a friendly spacecraft using the wing of another spacecraft? Come on....) but stirring and cool (hearkened back to original series a bit, which is probably the only reason why it seemed neat). Ummm, other good moments? Can't think of one, can't think of one.... Oh! When Obi-Wan tearfully screams his regret and betrayal at Anakin on the lava world? Moving and believable. Relationship between Anakin and Obi-Wan? Could have been much more interesting, but had enough care in it to be minorly satisfying. Watching Palpatine work his mental magic on poor, confused little Anakin? Pretty sweet, especially because Palpatine WASN'T playing the overtly evil choice and slavering all over the place, instead choosing the subtle, mental-ninja approach.

 

Anything else? Not really. Nice creature that Obi-Wan rode, but they couldn't get the motion-swaying down right so he looked like a jackass in a couple shots. Neat city-scapes and planet-approaches, but they were used so often that they quickly lost any sense of wonder they might have had. Cool-looking battle sequences that didn't really feel like battle sequences because they only really looked like an excuse to show a bunch of neato machines zooming around amid a hail of laser fire, rather than chronicle the events of an engagement between rival forces.

 

Oh, one more cool thing was the Death of the Jedi sequence. Moving, sad, and actually a little shocking.

 

The bad shit? Where do I start? The dialogue in almost every scene was boring to the point of paralysis, existing solely to advance the plot, missing every opportunity to show us the conflicts and concerns the characters were facing. Every scene with Anakin in the first half of the movie missed opportunities; to show us HOW he was dealing with his sense of betrayal by the Jedi who don't respect him versus the appeal of the Dark Side, which would offer him the level of acheivement and recognition he obviously feels he deserves; to show us if he's conflicted over his love for Padme and his attraction to the Dark Side; to show us how he deals with his obvious love and respect for Obi-Wan as opposed to the snubbing he feels from him, the lack of respect he feels Obi-Wan is showing him... Need more? You can find your own in a second.

 

The lack of any real concern by the filmmakers for the characters is a turn-off, too. Lucas obviously feels like his characters are wind-up toys to be put into situations, and not people who respond and react to their surroundings, and each other. The only interesting relationships in the movie were between Anakin and Obi-Wan and Anakin and Palpatine, and the former was more like a glimpse of a relationship than an exploration of it. Anakin and Palpatine was actually pretty cool, but then Palpatine stopped manuvering for power, seized it all, and then it seemed like the only thing he could say was "Now you shall see the true power of the Dark Side" and fling blue lightning around. Is that it? Sparks are the True Power of the Dark Side?

 

There's a lot more, too, that was bullshit. Lightsaber duels? Largely uninteresting because of the camera placement: when the camera is in the middle of the fight it's pretty hard to tell what's going on or appreciate the skill and swordsmanship of the combatants, which was obviously not the point: the point is to get the visceral madness of a death-duel without earning it. Cheaters. One sweet thing was Greivous' unique method of wielding lightsabers. Actually surprising (like very little else in the movie) and cool.

 

So fuck it. Fuck the whole first three movies.

 

The first ones succeeded so wildly because they had special effects that blew our minds because nobody else was doing stuff like that, because they showed us a compellingly different fantasy world than could be seen anywhere else, and because the relationships between the characters were recognizably funny and compelling. There were people fighting for their lives, falling in love, and piloting spacecraft. We liked them (even the ones we didn't like) because they were familiar to us; we could relate to them.

 

How Lucas expects us to relate to any of the cardboard cutouts he's pasted all over his effects-orgy is utterly incomprehensible to this Star Wars fan.

 

If you liked it, great. I'm going to dream happily of what could have been.

 

 

Edit: Here's a link to the New Yorker review, which is frikkin' hilarious and makes a bunch of points that I agree with and wish I'd thought of: https://www.newyorker.com/critics/cinema/?050523crci_cinema

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I can say that I agree with almost all of your points...but I still liked this movie.

 

Episode I had the sensation of novelty to it, although the story wasn't really catching. Episode II is mainly crap because there's hardly any character interaction (a key element to the first ones), like you didn't had Solo telling 3PO to shut up or arguing with Leia, and the love lines between Anakin and Padme are too cheesy. This are the most obvious flaws to me, but still I think I am starting to see what Lucas has said of the younger viewers who had never seen Star Wars are thinking of this movie.

 

I really liked the way Episode III connects to the first ones. Everything was predictable, because Lucas had revealed over the years glimpses of the story, but it was still very smooth. Which brings the perspective of a new viewer: the series is not about a rag-tag group of rebel fighters who want to defeat the evil empire (well it is, but that's not the major plot), but about Anakin's rise, fall and redemption.

 

I am going to watch it for the second time now in a couple of days. I am curious if this opinion of mine will still stand at the end ;)

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Episode IV-VI has good cast, interesting story, excellent special effects for it's time and a very cool artistic style. They are simply excellent movies.

 

Episode I is the worst disappointment I have ever had with movies. First of all everything looks a lot more modern than it does in the previous movies. Granted there is an explanation for this, but with it all the charm of the old movies disappear. It's like switching a Ford Mustang with a Hyundai.

 

Second of all, that stupid Disney character pisses me off! It isn't funny, and it's made to entertain the same people that Teletubbies entertain - very young kids. JarJar alone ruined the movie for me.

 

Third, the cast of this movie stinks. The dude playing Anakin has the talent of Arnold, and lack the muscle. Rest of the cast has some decent actors, but they either do not work in their roles or seem...uninspired, uninterested.

 

Forth, the story is less interesting than that of the old.

 

In general, I roughly split the elements of a movie in three. Cast, story and "the rest". Cast is not done well in this one, story is less interesting and stylish special effects just doesn't help when everything looks modern and disgusting.

 

Episode II has a lot of love stuff between two actors that are mediocre to bad. It also has a Gummy Bear called Yoda. I had imagined Yoda standing in a cool and composed manner working his force, but I got Gummy Bears. The cast is the same as in the first one, so not much is better there. Besides this, I frankly can't remember much. I though it was better than the first, and the reason is probably that I had NO EXPECTATIONS whatsoever this time.

 

Episode III is better than the two first ones. Cast is still mediocre, but the story is better and the empire slowly emerge. I agree with most of your critique DoomMunky, but I still enjoyed this one a lot more than the two first ones. It can still not compete with the old ones, but going in the right direction.

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Heh...

 

Honestly? I think we've forgotten after 30 years exactly how cheesy and completely unrealistic the original Star Wars movies were. Even looking at them after all this time, it's hard to bypass the bias that our childhood has developed.

 

Do I like Episodes I, II, and III? Yes. Although the choices for both Anakin actors were poor. (And removing Sebastian Shaw from Return of the Jedi was a true dishonor) There isn't too much that separates the styles of both trilogy sets. Luke's lines in episode IV were forced and so whiny and god awful that Anakin embodies his spirit perfectly. Leia's cliched "It's not over yet" Vader's overused "There will be noone to stop us this time" and the Emperor's "You won't turn? I will conquer the Universe. Your father is under my command and you will die" Seriously... Show me one thing about the originals that the new ones do not emulate properly.

 

Has anyone realized, that the only part of Star Wars that contains the real core element, the meat of the philosophy of the force, the jedi, the galactic civil war and the clone wars, is in the Expanded Universe? A fan creation that the movies do not recognize? Found only in the games, some comics, and books?

 

Anyways, everyone's entitled to an opinion. Lucas seemed to overdo the special effects, but what can I say? There's gotta be a reason that billions of people love these movies. I may not like them as much as the next Star Wars freak, but I can't see any reason to call them bad movies.

 

But whatever. I still prefer Star Trek above and beyond Star Wars. ;)

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There are cheesy lines done well and cheesy lines done wrong. Star Wars always had the humour aspect, as you can also see in for instance Indiana Jones (also written by Lukas). In the first three movies, Luke, Han and Leia compliment each other very well. Some of their lines are cheesy, but they fit well and are done very well. Good actors working well together.

 

In the new movies, the actors playing Anakin and Amidala sounds like they're reading the lines from the script. You get the feeling that they do not care for their characters at all. I would be better as Anakin! Well, in everything but the disgusting love scenes that is - I would laugh out loud at the ridicule ;)

 

Anyway, as you say, it all comes down to taste. But personally I own the old trilogy on DVD and think they are as fun now as they were 15 years ago. Somewhat biased for sure, but not so badly that I can't tell a good movie from a bad one.

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I went to see it and thoroughly enjoyed it, I didn't do too much in depth analysis of the film, but.....

 

I think Count Dooku was defeated a bit too cheaply.

 

The clone troops turned a bit too easily, I know they're only soldiers, but Obi-wan seemed to get on well with General Cody (or wateva he was called).

 

And Anakin was turned too easily.

 

Why oh Why did Samuel L Jackson have to die!!! ;)

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From Top to Bottom, Favorite to Least:

 

Babylon 5 and Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis are my favorites.

 

Then Star Trek Next Generation and Star Trek Deep Space Nine and the Star Trek Movies. Lord of the Rings Movies fit in here somewhere.

 

Followed up by Farscape and Star Trek Voyager, and Aliens and Predator movies.

 

Then we get to the Original Star Trek Series and the Original Star Wars Movies and Doctor Who, really cool for their time, but a little dated in the rewatch.

 

Then we get to things like the new Star Wars movies, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Hercules the Legendary Journeys, Highlander, X-Files, Andromeda, Earth Final Conflict, and Xena. All pretty much the same stuff, and can have their interesting moments.

 

Then we have things like Star Trek Enterprise, Outer Limits, Twilight Zone, and the Night Stalker - can watch them when there is nothing better to watch, but never go back for reruns.

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To be fair, Star Wars has always been for kids (well, the films have). Despite everyone's belief that children just won't gte it, the Star Wars movies are a good exampe of how a ten year old kid WILL be able to folow a complex storyline (I say ten cos if you're any younger you'll find Jar Jar amusing and want to own an Ewok).

 

Seriously, they'll get worse the older you get - even the originals!

 

The most engrossing part of Star Wars is all the extended universe stuff. In the books, real fights happen. Real people get hurt and have believeable characters. In the computer games, they've got cool good guys and cooler bad guys and you get to do what you always wanted to do when watching the movie - fly an X-Wing, blow up a Star Destroyer, wield a lightsaber (okay, so only a few games were ever that good ;)).

 

Star Wars movies are for the kids. They don't have to be flawless!

 

However, I strongly advise you all to check out this site. It's a long read if you want to see everything, but FUNNY! https://www.chefelf.com/starwars

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For kids? I dunno... You'd be stirring up some controversy in doing that. (Between the violence and the light use of "damn" and "hell" in A New Hope and Empire Strikes back...)

 

Unless you mean "kids" between the ages of 13 and 20. It would seem perfect for that age group... Just when I read your post, I'm thinking young 'uns of about the maturity level for Power Rangers. >_<

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Oh by the way, I liked Epsode III better than Eps I and II. To me, Episode III was on par action and dangerwise with the Originals, IV, V, VI. Episode III was more gritty or intense than the others in the new series, though you knew all the way along how it was supposed to turn out, which kind of took some of the suspense out of it. I didn't consider Episode III a waste of time, but then I kind of liked or tolerated Episodes I and II as well. Of course, if you have a newby or a child sitting in front of the television for the first time, you have to show him the Originals before the Newer I through III episodes, otherwise, the newer episodes would ruin the Darth Vader being Luke's father surprise, which was probably the most powerful moment of all the films. Newbies have to see them in the order that we saw them, to get the full impact.
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