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The Girl At Work


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We're quite close in age (I believe she's one year older or younger than me, I have been told but my memory fails) and we do seem to get on quite well. Sometimes. She seems to run hot and cold, so I don't know if it's just catching her on bad days, or she's not taking her medication regularly, or what.

 

If it's the same days in the month...

 

I think she's been educated to a higher standard than I, going by her reading matter (not that I checked what she reads or anything. Is that stalkerish? If it is, I didn't do it).

 

We call that "secret admiring". ;)

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Being yourself helps IF you are planning on making this something long-lasting. Lying and cheating and using people is for ONS's. No lasting relation will begin that way.

 

And what the others said ^ is true: Forget relations at your work-place, they will influence the situation there negatively in both cases (Success or Failure). Not that this keeps people from trying as emotions are, well, not stronger but usually faster than reason. They are like the dark side of the force :)

 

Sidenote:

What is weird and interesting: If you actually try to avoid ANY relation people will literally bombard you with offers. Why: Because everyone who seems to have a conscious plan looks secure and strong and thus attracts people. You do not even got to have a plan, it already helps if you SEEM to have a plan ;) In that case they will sooner or later discover that you have none, though, and their interest will die off.

 

I hate people, btw :)

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  • 1 month later...
No beans to spill unfortunately. She wished me a merry Christmas and a happy new year to me and my family (with what may have been unusual tenderness, not being present at other staff farewells I don't know, but I suspect it was just her natural nice quotient) and I haven't seen her since, as we've not been very busy.
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  • 2 weeks later...

Werrrll, there's a concert coming up, and I think it might be the sort of thing she enjoys, so I'm planning to ever-so-subtly mention it and the spare ticket I may be able to acquire if anyone's interested while very definitely not looking at her. It's a small, intimate sort of performance, quite exclusive if you're not a member of the local music society, and the quartet playing are meant to be good, so it should be enjoyable enough.

 

*crosses fingers so hard knuckles are dislocated*

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Well, unlike Gimli (Gimli said it himself) I do have some experience, albeit most of it is negative :D

 

Are you prepared for the case when someone else says "HERE, I WANT THAT TICKET" before her? :):)

I would recommend asking her directly instead. That way you make clear that:

 

-YOU are interested in HER and that this is not some kind of accident and saves you the huge embarrassment of discovering that she e.g. only went there because she really likes the music and wasn't even realizing that you had some interest.

 

-You show self-security (even if it is pretended!). This has an advantage later: even if your question leads to a NO, you will gain respect from others and maybe some other girls suddenly realize that you are there. Don't underestimate the gossip.

 

-You'll know right away if she has ANY interest in you as well.

 

Be prepared for a NO and remember that only the guys who dare to ask have a 0,01% chance of getting a YES, the guys that don't dare to ask will always have 0,00% chance of getting a YES. That said I really do not recommend ANY relation stuff at work, it will lead to no good even if the relation is a success.

 

Anyway, whatever you do: Good luck :D

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while very definitely not looking at her.

Ehm, I would most definitely BE looking at her! Are you afraid she could get a hint you like her? Come on, man, you WANT her to know that you have the guts to show that!

 

EDIT; I should read all replies first... I agree with Civilian 100%!

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I'm with FA on this one - it's hard being brave and asking outright but as others have since mentioned, it does clear it up pretty quickly and if it's not the result you're after you'll only feel shit for a few weeks.

 

Do be prepared for the oft-confusing female mind though. I've had a situation before where I've been out on what I thought were two dates that turned out not to be. Work that out. Sometimes female colleagues/friends will think you're just being generous by buying them dinner or going out somewhere and spending all your cash on them.

 

Okay, I've talked my way round to the direct approach now :D

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You can always go for the compromise. Tell everyone else about your plan so that she's the only one potentially wanting to go.

 

But I think it's best you did what other said. Straight in her face. It takes guts and your chances of success low, but at least you'll know right away. Plus you show guts and other chicks will like that.

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<Begin $0.02>

 

All subtlety ever got me was a headache and more questions than answers!

 

<End $0.02>

 

^this. Absolutely. Exactly. It simply doesn't work.

 

Do be prepared for the oft-confusing female mind though.

 

Trust me, male minds aren't any better, men are only faster so they develop less problems on the way :)

 

FA, one way to maybe ease your shyness a bit would be to give her some signs before you ask, e.g. send her a mail with cute pictures of bunnies or puppets and write something like "This makes me think of someone special..." , add some heart icons. Basically, make tiny steps into her direction before going full power and asking her directly.

 

BUT do something. Or a less shy guy will ask her before you. Been there, done that. :D

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e.g. send her a mail with cute pictures of bunnies or puppets and write something like "This makes me think of someone special..." , add some heart icons.

I agree with everything else but THIS.

 

No no no... No gay stuff when you are courting a woman, please. No farting and otherwise very manly redneck stuff either. :D

 

Just be normal, ask her as if you're asking her what is the time. Not uninterested though! You want her to come, but don't make it look like your life depends on it!

 

And, as was already said, expect a no. This does not (necessarily) mean she doesn't like you, she may just be a little shocked to get a proposal if you haven't given weird hints (like bunnies and other freaky cuddly stuff) in advance.

 

If nothing else she will

- know you are interested

- not have you for a woos

- not think of you as her new girlfriend.

 

Seriously, you have NOT A THING to lose.

 

And if it turns out to be a no, don't let it be the end of it! I mean, don't push for this same thing over and over, but do find new stuff to invite her to. Like... Avatar, he he he! Not because of the romance, no no no, but there is this cool 3D stuff in it. You watched? So what?

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I don't think a sub-par James Cameron film would be a healthy starting point for any relationship.

 

And no gay shit, agreed.

 

But first of all, I actually have to see her to talk to her, and our schedules haven't been coinciding often recently. I'll have to think up some excuses...

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You guys make me laugh...The cute pictures were only a (very individual, agreed) example on what to do: If FA would not do something soon he would lose the opportunity to do anything at all.

 

Otoh, the cute pics mail helped me a lot several times, so... :)

Even had a date with 2 wimmen at the same time and the same place because of them mails... :D:D

 

I guess it is like with everything else: It doesn't really matter what kind of sign you give, if it is really coming from your heart one can feel it and it is convincing. If not... well then do not try it, easy as that.

The essential ingredient is: Activity.

 

Alright, alright, I'M GOING.

Good! And just in case: Remember that you will benefit even of a NO, it doesn't mean the end of the world.

 

On a somewhat serious sidenote: I must admit I find the term Gay rather offensive and inappropriate^, albeit I know you didn't mean it that way. I have a lot of good friends that are gay and well I know for sure that they would not like my idea of sending cute emails neither, so go figure. :)

 

I hope you do not use any similar language when asking the girl out... :D

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