XCOM: The Musical

I know none of you were expecting this, but I've managed to sneak out some pages from the script of "XCOM: The Musical" being staged by the USO.


page 7
Science Labs.

ZOMBIE: Empirical data's your only man,
when formulating a research plan.
A soldier's death is never in vain
if it makes the formula more plain.
A few dozen make a better case
for refining that third decimal place.
They call me Zombie because I don't sleep,
as I slowly struggle to climb this heap,
of corpses, data points, and trials,
but from the top - I'll see for miles!

BOMB BLOKE: Myself, I've been making craters.
I'm sure the data will be handy later,
I just love the bangs, from big to small,
and have made a few holes in the wall.
I've turned muton corpses into roast
and I've browned this lovely piece of toast.


...
page 20
Armory.
Quartermaster NKF addresses a half-dozen new recruits.

NKF:
Please observe: the humble pistol,
Accurate as a guided missile,
Snap shot before you can whistle.
You'll be given nothing else in case
you have to assault a floater base.
Some say it's suicidal, true,
but I did it once, so you can too!

RECRUIT 1: What if we need some extra punch?
NKF: Serve high explosives for their lunch.
RECRUIT 2: What if supplies are running low?
NKF: Club an alien, take his dough.
Here's a Sectoid corpse I made. Turn it inside out - it's a grenade!
RECRUIT 3: I'd prefer a laser, but I won't beg. Can you tell us how you lost your leg?
NKF: Which reminds me, here's a tip: For Reapers, take an extra clip.

...
page 32
Battlefield, once a farmyard. Smoke billows and plasma flashes. Some Recruits are huddling under the Skyranger and FULLAUTO is coaxing them out.

FULLAUTO: RECRUITS! Youse wanna live forever?
RECRUIT 1: Sir, what a noble endeavor!
Recruit 2: Sir, I can't fight! I've been shot in the arm!
FULLAUTO: That never did ME any harm!

I once came off second best
with a sucking plasma wound in my chest.
But did it stop me? Well, yes, for a bit.
But the point is that I didn't quit.
When I was rushed to medbay after the raid
I was still clutching a live grenade.
Gave the medics quite a start
and took out the whole dinner cart.

The point I'm beating into your head
Is don't stop fighting just 'cos you're dead.

....
page 47
chorus line of MUTONS enter, with top hats, tails, and canes, singing as they surround TAMMY'S throne

Xcom call us the green brutes
big intimidating mutes
strong and silent, half bionic
but we've a weakness for psionics
We've got no brains inside these skintight suits

we may be armored hunks of meat
but if you've a mind to move our feet
you'll find our hidden urge to dance
C'mon Broadway, give us a chance!
We'll beat a rhythm out with heavy boots!

XCOM: World Police

As I mentioned in the Fanfic area, lately I've been reading a thread on Forumopolis where they're running the cheap version of an XCOM sim. http://forumopolis.com/showthread.php?t=2601

The gamemaster(s) named the soldiers after the forum regulars and then (with occasional respawns using captured cloning technology) just play the game and post updates and screenshots telling what happened to who.

It's pretty hilarious.

I'd love to do this here but I (a) have another distracting trip coming up in September and (b) may not be in the best situation to take screenshots, although I have yet to experiment. Someone with loads of free time would maybe also be in a better situation - anyone bored on summer vacation?

I'll let the idea simmer. Maybe some of our better players could keep nearly everyone alive.

Debriefings

I really enjoy hearing mission stories, please tell yours here.

Here's one I was so proud of I took notes. This was about two months ago. Nothing really weird here, unfortunately, but just handled really professionally, without losing anybody.
May I present:

Clearing a landing site.
Sectoid, large scout crash, farm in california, early evening, Superhuman difficulty.
8 soldiers and a rocket tank respond.
Loosely numbered turn-by-turn, actually event-by-event.
***
0. Successfully deployed in circle around Skyranger with no sightings.
1. Tank scouts first. Alien sighting by tank. Squaddies do 2-stage alien grenade relay. Takes out a hidden alien and part of a wall as well as the target (2 kills, total 2)
2. Tank sights a second alien, fires rocket, misses. Squaddie takes armed grenade, approaches, then crouches behind tank before throwing. (Out of sight so no reaction fire.) (1 kill, total 3)
3. Scout (with RE of 60) moves in a different direction, spots one and freezes. Support sniper with rifle takes the shot (FA of 64, 87% chance) and hits. (1 kill, total 4)
4. Tank sights a third among the stables and stops. Squaddies manage to land a grenade in the area. (1 kill, total 5)
5. Aliens' turn, tank is shot at and responds with rocket fire. (1 kill, total 6)
6. Scout found one, support sniper hits but does not get a kill. A tossed HE pack misses, and no-one is in range to add a grenade. End of turn. Alien does not kill scout; sniper is successful on next turn. (1 kill, total 7)
7. Tank flushes an alien but is blocking support fire. It moves to clear the line of fire and is slightly damaged by reaction fire by doing so. Support fire takes out the alien. (total 8)
8. Team finishes sweep and gathers at UFO door for a breach. At the start of the breach turn, the tank fires a rocket into the diagonal walls forming the inside corner of the cross. This kills one alien (total 9)
9. Craft is filled with smoke. Two additional corpses are seen. The second squaddie in has enough TU's to push forward into the hollowed out centre; he sees an alien at the bridge of the ship and freezes. Third, fourth, and fifth breachers take up kneeling positions inside the door and start shooting at the alien through the smoke cloud; the third shot drops it. (total 10)
***
Alien kills registered - 9
Corpses - 9
Captured aliens - 1 (soldier rank)
Artifacts - 41
Alloys - 31
Nav consoles - 2
(Engines destroyed in crash)
Final score 275.

Research time?

"Say, Chief Scientist O'Connor, how's that Alien Psi Research project going, on which the very lives of my soldiers depend?"
"Oh, excellent, excellent."
"So that means we stop losing men, what, Tuesday?"

Does anyone have a table of the scientist-hours needed for research? I turned up some figures on http://www.silverblades-suitcase.com/xcom/info.html but that seems to be for an RPG version of XCOM and doesn't include research time for clips, etc.

UFO: Extraterrestrials

Gee, you wait a decade for UFO games and then several come along at once.

ApOcaLyPSe_1985 posted screenshots from UFO: Extraterrestrials in the OffTopic thread so I thought I'd crosspost here. It does look to be a turn-based strategy game, alright. Screenshots available but no schedule or downloads.

How many games have we got on the boil now? Let me check my link library.

• UFO: Extraterrestrials - by Chaos Concept. Unknown 3D engine. Screenshots, Czech forums
• UFO: Alien Invasion - TBS based on Quake2 engine. Pre-demo, screenshots
• UFO 2000 - extending original data files. Beta release
• UFO: Aftermath - as published by Altair. Full Commercial Release
• Xenocide - Alpha release
• X-Force: Fight For Destiny - German site, version 0.835 release

Crikey! That's half a dozen!

JFG